Help, I Need Somebody

It’s always been tough to sort through shit on my own. Over the years, I’ve journaled a lot, but then I started earning money and realized! Oh I can outsource this processing? But seriously. Therapy has always been a privilege that I feel lucky I can access. Maybe not to the degree I’d like, but whenever I felt I really needed it, I’ve been able to access it.

I’m still a work in progress (and always will be) but I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I’ve definitely gotten easier on myself over the years but I still have my moments and being able to just be ok with a lot of the shortcomings I’ve encountered (not just because of COVID) but because I’m human has been hard to do so having that validation and the exercises to really just be ok, is helpful.

And that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s so easy to tell someone else this but feeling not ok, really is hard for me to deal with and I always feel like I have to be ok and present this grateful, joyful vibe when really there are days when I’m not feeling great nor do I want to have to fake feeling great to make others feel better. This one, I still have to work on a bit more.

But what I really need to work on most is really speaking up and asking for what I want and need. I still haven’t gotten to the root cause of this but it is so incredibly hard for me to even admit to myself that I want or need something. And then saying it to whomever can help me get there. I’m putting it here just so I’ve released it into the world and hopefully that keeps me accountable.