Pole to Pain Pipeline

I’ve always been fascinated by pole dancing ever since I’d see friends try it out in Manila via Pole Cats but never really thought to give it a try. Then Hustlers came out and seeing JLo at 50 do her number and kill it really made me think, “well I could never do that.”

So when I attended my friend Berny’s son Nate’s first birthday party a couple weeks ago and I got introduced to Michelle, a pole dancing instructor, I didn’t actually think anything would come out of it. Except something did. Thanks to super on the ball colleague, Iris who set it all up, Berny, Iris and I tried pole out.

And we didn’t totally suck? But we weren’t great either. It’s not a surprise that this shit is hard work. And it’s hard. It’s very hard. But they trick you into it by letting you feel good after Lesson 1. We did 2 tricks each after the first trial and so you’re thinking. Well fuck yeah, I could do that.

Except you can’t. Cause you wake up the next day incredibly sore and tired. I’m glad my dad had given me some Natureland Massage gift vouchers that were expiring because I needed it badly. I was hurting so bad, that not only did I get back into yin yoga after forever — I also got a massage back to back. The pain is real.

But then when there’s pain, this thing is working right? So I sign up for a second class and we lose Berny as a casualty but Iris and I plod on. And the second class, I don’t feel any more confident or comfortable or sexy for that matter. But we’re still bruised and now we’re adding more tricks like climbing the goddamn pole using your shins and ankles. How is that possible

Well it’s possible because you just get more bruises and burns. And the funniest part is, there’s a step where you have to roll your neck and throw your head back and these are the two most difficult things to me as a person with forever stick neck. So it’s more massages and more yoga for me to recover from this.

So I’m thinking, hey maybe I should get back into lifting weights to build some strength for my non-existent lats. And maybe I should do some squats and strengthen my core and legs since those seem to be useless. So I wake up on more days feeling even more sore in more places in preparation for pole that’s getting me sore.

But then it all comes to a head on the third lesson where we’ve officially lost Berny but gained a new friend, Suzy who’s recovering from knee issues (just like my cartilage ones) and it’s all fun and games until I try to fall asleep that night and can’t. I can’t sleep on my side — either one of them or my back and i’m tossing and turning in pain

It’s so bad I don’t get much sleep and am crying for anything by the next morning. And as a believer in Traditional Chinese Medicine — I think, hey acupuncture could help! So I look up all the available TCMs in my area on a Friday morning before work and show up to the places without an appointment because why not, I’m desperate. Of course, i’m turned away sans appointment — how dare I!

Lucky for me though, my neighbourhood is like the epicentre of all things medical and the TCMs per square foot is quite high so I luck out. My third one finds me this nice lady that takes me on and gives me not just acupuncture but cupping too (my first time!). I also fall for the ginger powder upsell, but at this point, I’m so grateful and am in less pain that I’ll do anything she says.

Will I pole again? Maybe? It’s a coincidence that Iris is travelling the next couple of weeks and I will too for work soon after so I’ll get some temporary relief. Do I think the pole is related to my neck injury? I don’t think so, but it may be exacerbating it? I just want to find relief. Someone who’s gone through this, do I go to pain killers next? I need help.