Christmas Time Is Here
And we’re back to that time of year when I cannot be contactable because I’m consuming copious amounts of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. This year, I still watched all 40 goddamn movies and out of those, I have been kinder myself to say I will only share with you the top 12 because I couldn’t bring myself to write about every single 40. I did watch them, I promise.
You can listen to me and Chinggay talk about all 40 in our pod though. Yes, shameless promotion cause why not.
12. Time for Them to Come Home
During the holidays, a woman with amnesia catches a ride with her handsome nurse to investigate the only clue to her identity: a newspaper clipping for a Christmas Festival with a cryptic invitation. Starting Jessy Schram and Brendan Penny.
For the first time in our lifetimes, we actually enjoyed the Time for (Insert Pronoun Here) Series because it’s been a hot mess every year since (and I’ve watched all of them). And I’d like to credit all of this completely to Mr. Brendan Penny, who makes scrubs and any outfit look better.
He just brings the much needed charisma this series is lacking and made us shockingly care about Jessy Schram which really is the Christmas miracle we all needed. If you want amnesiacs and random flashbacks, this is the movie for you! And it’s got a road trip (a slightly somber one, but a road trip nevertheless).
11. Nantucket Noel
During the Seaside Noel celebrations Christina learns of a developer who is planning to tear down the wharf that is home to her toy store. Tensions rise as she falls for the developer's son, Andy. Starring Sarah Power and Trevor Donovan.
Who doesn’t love a Trevor Donovan movie? I can’t name one person. I’m not into the blondes much (and he’s all out blonde) but we have to make an exception for him because he is a puppy dog adorable and paired with Good Witch’s Sarah Power, she finally gets the happy ending her show horribly took away from her.
And really, the trope of the big bad businessman vs the small town business with a twist this time. Cause he’s not the bad guy guys! It’s his dad and he’s trying to make it right but also trying to do good by his dad! It’s a conflict of interest clearly, but somehow they get away with it. Don’t worry! It’s a happy ending
10. Very Merry Bridesmaid
Leah's 30th birthday is on Christmas Eve, the same day as her brother’s wedding. Her childhood crush is back in town for the wedding and he is determined to make sure her birthday does not go by the wayside. Starring Emily Osment and Casey Deidrick.
I love when a movie still surprises you and that’s exactly what this one did. Who the hell were these stars? I didn’t know so I was a bit skeptical. But then it delivered! Which makes it all the more amazing because it’s just a great experience all around. See, Hallmark! You can do newbies right
We get the family chaos of planning a wedding during the holidays (AND the lead girl’s birthday — her 30th at that!) and she’s feeling invisible and lost in the shuffle because there’s so much going on. But don’t worry, lead guy sees her and oh to be seen! I’m dead just thinking about it.
9. The Nine Kittens of Christmas
Cat lovers Zachary and Marilee are thrown back together at Christmas when they're tasked with finding homes for a litter of adorable kittens. Starring Brandon Routh, Kimberley Sustad and Gregory Harrison.
Holiday series are well known in the Hallmark Cinematic Universe but they rarely get it right. I’m so glad they decided to do a sequel to Nine Lives of Christmas because Brandon Routh and Kimberly Sustad brought their A-game and put most franchises to shame. Plus, it looks like they haven’t aged at all.
They start off already diverting from the usual sequel by breaking the couple up and so we get the experience of seeing them fall back in love together without all the stupid drama and now with more cute kittens! Honestly, this was such a joy to watch and the side characters getting more airtime was a bonus.
8. A Christmas Together WIth You
During the Christmas season, Megan and her father-figure Frank head out on a road trip to find his long-lost love. Along the way, Megan finds the love of her own life. Starring Harry Lennix, Laura Vandervoort and Niall Matter.
We’ve always loved Niall Matter (or more like, Never Kiss a Man in a Christmas Sweater made sure we’d always love him and so it was so lovely to see him paired with Laura Vandervoort whom we fell for earlier this year with Playing Cupid and when skilfull actors are put together, you can do anything.
We get two love stories for the price of one here and seeing Laura’s relationship not just with Niall grow but also with her dad-figure Harry Lennox, it was really a nice added layer to this movie. We get a buddy movie, part time road trip (less depressing than Time for (insert pronoun) to Come Home This Christmas, too).
7. Debbie Macomber’s: A Mrs. Miracle Christmas
When a family faces loneliness and loss of faith, Mrs. Miracle swoops in to renew their Christmas Spirit, and they experience a holiday of heavenly proportions. Starring Kaitlin Doubleday, Steve Lund, Paula Shaw and Caroline Rhea.
I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed this one just because the Miracles of Christmas movies tend to be a lot more treacly and this one wasn’t an exception except they did it in a way that made me cry cathartic tears. I really appreciated how they did the handling of grief and mourning without being the obvious route.
And of course, I love me some Kaitlin Doubleday and her gorgeous short bob hair cut all the time so that was just the cherry on top! And they handled the couple conflict quite well with an adult discussion and not a lot of dramatic hysterics! We like a mature kind of love.
6. One December Night
Two music managers must put their history aside to oversee the televised reunion performance of their rock star fathers with a fractured past. Starring Peter Gallagher, Bruce Campbell, Eloise Mumford and Brett Dalton.
When you know the director of a Hallmark movie, you know it’s a different level. And this movie, we know who directed it because Claire Neiderpruem has just given us hit after hit and One December Night is no different from her past hits. She delivers the best movie out of Miracles of Christmas with the most heartwarming dad stories with some music thrown in.
Peter Gallagher has decided to grace us with his presence and anytime Sandy Cohen comes to the party, you know it’s going to be a wild ride. We also get Baker’s Son’s Eloise Mumford who brought just the right amount of emotion and vulnerability to this role. Bring on the dad-kid relationships and authentic conversations by the fire. Yes, please
5. My Family Christmas Tree
When Vanessa receives the results from her Family Tree DNA test, she discovers a family she didn't know existed and travels to their home for Christmas. Starring Aimee Teegarden, Andrew Walker, and James Tupper.
We finally get the Christmas movie that Andrew Walker deserves. After many, many misses, they finally award the Prom King of Hallmark with the heartwarming holiday movie we’ve been craving for. And boy did he deliver as the friend of the fam to newly minted family member Aimee Teegarden.
I love how he was just there for her as she got to know her new family and how they both navigated these new feelings they weren’t quite expecting. Plus his knowing looks across the fire and the smores making are just standard Andrew Walker but we’re so blessed to have it during the holidays.
4. An Unexpected Christmas
A writer convinces his ex-girlfriend to pose as a couple for Christmas. Starring Bethany Joy Lenz and Tyler Hynes.
We are blessed and I mean it, blessed by the presence of the queen that is BJL and a clean shaven Tyler Hynes who has been a busy bee this 2021, making us fall in love with him more and more and by the fever pitch of the holidays, all the panties are down because he deserves it.
Once again, BJL gives us the big family ensemble comedy and a fake relationship trope and those just hit all the marks. Written by the spectacular Paul Campbell, we get the fast-paced dialogue we missed from Mr. Campbell this year but we get his voice through these lovely avatars and you know we’re all in.
3. Eight Gifts of Hanukkah
An anonymous suitor sends optometrist Sara a gift for each night of Hanukkah. On her journey to find her secret admirer, she learns her one true love might be someone she never expected. Stars Inbar Lavi and Jake Epstein.
Hanukkah is three for fucking three because it’s just clearly the superior holiday and honestly why aren’t we doing at least 8 movies each year? I mean we have a total of forty movies, so you could definitely spare eight you know? Anyway, this year we get fresh faces bringing the holiday cheer and they brought it.
I’ve loved Inbar Lavi in Lucifer and here she plays innocent and attractive and just all around lovely and charming. And then we get dorky cute Jake Epstein and their best-friends-turned-secret-admirer schtick is perfection. We need more of this secret admirer bits because they are effective.
2. ‘Tis the Season to Be Merry
Looking for a fresh angle to her book on relationships, Merry heads to snow covered Vermont. She finds a new perspective and Christmas cheer with charismatic aid worker Adam. Starring Rachael Leigh Cook and Travis Van Winkle.
I mean did we expect anything less from these two stars. When you can abbreviate your name to initials and we still know who you are, you know you’ve made it to the royalty of Hallmark and that’s where RLC and TVW deserve to be. They finish the holiday season with their pairing and I honestly didn’t know I needed this.
TVW really is a rare sighting on the HCU but when he shows up, he brings the present of his presence and not just bare minimum, he does topless scenes that somehow fit right in with the HCU because he’s not taking himself seriously while at it. The chemistry is A+, the authentic conversation are there and I want more.
1. Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls
The Mitchell brothers compete to see who can create the best Christmas House. Starring Robert Buckley, Ana Ayora, Jonathan Bennett, with Sharon Lawrence, Treat Williams and Brad Harder.
Finally though, we save the best for last (and second to the last in the slate this year), we get the sequel we didn’t know we needed, but now demand every goddamn year. The Mitchells are back with their zany traditions of decorating their house like their lives depended on it because we’ve got it on a reality show.
Think of all the things you loved about last year’s movie and double it because now we get Ana Ayora’s ex-husband too and boy does he add just the right amount of spice (or is it sugar?), but really. This movie is such a perfect holiday movie that even if it wasn’t on Hallmark, you know I’d be enjoying it.
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